Purple Crayon

New Year Entry... that is quite late!

2007-01-07T12:42:00.000+08:00

With the New Year entering in my life, I am applying finally some changes that I should HAVE done before. And with what my VBF and I started yesterday, it is the marking of supposedly my "new" life ahead of me... FOR me.

I am moving. That I have to announce. Changes is inevitable for me to move on and indeed have a life. This perhaps will be my farewell post but coming back might take some time and couldn't tell when. To where I am moving it would be here... I am still sorting and thinking of how to start it. But all will be different–perhaps I'll be straight, bolder and at times tactless... hihihi! We'll soon find out ;)

Happy New Year to you reader/s (if anyone is really reading this)... and I'd see you again soon.

Learnings from my Zambales Road Trip

2006-12-30T15:27:00.000+08:00

List… list… list…

There’s much more on the advantage side when you have your own car when you travel. Like you get to hold of the time spent traveling and lesser stopovers, I guess. But with me who isn’t as privilege as some of you out there, commuting and traveling via bus isn’t as bad as others think. Perhaps I’m just used to it. Half my life I lived away from my family and ever since I learned to commute, I’d usually chose to go “my way” even if it means I have to commute. So here I share some things you learn/realize when you commute.

The whole stretch of my travel, I saw less and less of buildings and other concrete infrastractures. Well, only until I reached Subic/Olongapo area. So, what do you expect to see when traveling up north:

1.) Ricefields – as mentioned and seen photos in my previous blog entry
2.) National roads narrowing – from NLEX that can occupy almost 4 vehicles heading on one direction, you’ll end up roads that can only occupy 2 vehicles, one heading north and the other direction.
3.) No traffic – compared to Manila, it is much less of course! The bus has to stop once in a while to give way since the national roads are good only for 2 vehicles as mentioned previously or perhaps when a carabao or herds of cows are crossing the road.
4.) The sky – honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve seen different cloud formations, sun’s rays passing through the clouds and how clear and lovely the sky could be… *sniff*
5.) Barrios or Barangays named after all the saint you never thought existed – going backwards, Crystal Beach is in San Narciso, before that is San Antonio, prior to that is San Marcelino and in Castillejos, there’s San Jose and San Juan… just to name a few… and DON’T expect me to translate them in their English names. I don’t have any who those saints are!
6.) Commuters – in all forms and sizes… I don’t know if it’s just the holidays but living and working most of my life in Manila and seeing flocks of commuters, in the north multiply it by 3!
7.) Jose Rizal statue holding a book by his chest – to those who doesn’t know, Jose Rizal is still the country’s national hero and is said to be the young Filipinos “role-model” for his bravery and intelligence. That is why, he is placed in every front of a schoolyard even on provincial municipality! Well, it was said to be… perhaps next time (if I remember it) I should discuss the “other” J.P. Rizal most Filipino never knew of.
8.) All 4 and 2-legged farm/field animals you can think of –– and what could they be doing? Eating, sleeping, mad-bathing and even shitting. Hahaha! But one thing was odd about it is that, on the 2-legged creatures, I’ve seen some king fishers and a few herons but no chickens! Where have all the chickens (and roosters) have gone?!!!? Hello? Calling KFC?!

And who said one should sleep while traveling? I could have missed all the FREE entertainment if I’m dozing off. That’s just the 4-hours of traveling. Imagine what I could have seen if I had 6-8 hours of traveling headed for Ilocos? ;)

From the outside to the inside… In fairness, the Victory Liner bus I rode was really clean and decent. For a bus fare of P221.00 and aircon, it’s fair enough. But since you are commuting and still taking a “public” transportation, what shall you expect when you commute via aircon bus?

1.) Chatty people – the bus I rode had “Eat Bulaga” on. But the sound of the 2 ladies talking 2 seats away from me is quite loud, overpowering the TV. Thank God I have my iPod with me!
2.) Sleep-head commuter – the guy beside was, and good thing he isn’t snoring or else…
3.) Kids – all kinds of kids: cute one, cry-babies, etc. At least their with their moms or dads but still, some parents just can’t get hold of their children. One has to be very patient if you encounter annoying ones… or at least have some diversion not to notice them.
4.) Book-people – I assumed she might be a law or a med-student going back home. She was reading this think, hardbound book resting on her lap. Not unless she’s just proof-reading it? And a couple more ladies reading some romance novels.
5.) Barfing people – children or adults, either will still be the worst. It would definitely smell in the entire bus since it’s confined. Good thing the bus conductor immediately gave the grandfather plastic and a wet-rug with some bubbly solution to wiped the window and the area.

After tomorrow, 2006 is over and comes 2007. Some are making their list again of resolutions or upcoming plans next year while I did a different kind of list. Oh well, after the road trip, I think I’ll just expect a different me… or not?!

Thanks for sharing your time reading my blog. Hopefully next year, you’ll get more of happenings, realizations, rants and raves from yours truly, Nemcy. Ü

A blessed and peaceful new year to everyone!

Road Trip

2006-12-29T17:23:00.000+08:00

Location: Crystal Beach Resort, San Narciso, Zambales
Travel Time/Duration: 3 to 4 hours
Means of Transportation: Aircon bus and tricycle

An achievement I can proudly slash off my list is having accomplished this “road trip” of mine… ALONE. Yep! Since the first weeks of December I have been wanting to go to the beach, feel the waters trickle my skin and smell the sea breeze. Events has been interrupting my plans until last Wednesday, Dec. 27 I was able to contact the resort and made reservations.

To cut the introduction a little short… Panch, a friend of mine who’s also a beach-lover and the one who dragged me to Boracay a few years back, was suppose to be with me. She does need some break too. But unfortunately her heartless boss seemed to be eating her time (and mind!)… but all is well, I guess she’ll be free from his metal hands by mid-January. And Panch promised to come with me when some force of nature pulls me back to Zambales!

WHY O WHY?
So, how do we go about my adventure? To start off, at first I wanted at least one friend to accompany me but since it was a sudden decision all seemed to be occupied for the holidays. Either a family reunion, party or other personal responsibilities. I was scared of course. But to hell it goes, I DO wanted to go to the beach before the year ends! Rebellious it may sound but I just NEED to get out of “it”… whatever that “it” is… Most of my friends who knew that I’d be traveling alone have such reactions/suggestions:

1.) “Are you out of your mind?” – Perhaps, but once in a while it’s nice to do stuff you’ve never done before, right?
2.) “Cancel or postpone it!” – I just can’t. I made a reservation and it suppose to have a 50% down payment, but since it was that “quick” the owner said that I pay full when I get there. My name will be at stake if I don’t show my face there and besides, for sure I’d be coming back there… alone or with friends.
3.) “What’s your problem?” – Some knew that I am not the type that have spontaneous decisions… I mean, some see me as “the person with plans”… I guess, at time people change. I wanted to be by myself perhaps.
4.) “Take care…” – After a few explanations and reminders from them, it’s all that they could say. Specially once they knew that I told my family I am with my old friends and colleagues from my previous job.

Ok, I HAD to lie. To my family and to anyone in connection or relation to them… my reasons:

1.) So they’d just allow me to go, without worries.
2.) No more questions… period.

I was in Manila that Wednesday when I made my reservation. Let my father knew I am leaving for the beach around 11pm when I got home a “little” late with a few new good friends ;)

My bags

I packed the next morning, Thursday, Dec. 28 and this was the first time that packed on the day itself. Never done that too. Every time I travel, I plan ahead, have a checklist and pack at least a day before leaving and NOT on the day itself. Well, what should I be worried about? It’s just an overnight. Ok, don’t react why I have such huge backpack if it’s just an overnight thing. I packed stuff good for 3 days. Why?... well, just in case…

LOCATION AND LOGISTICS
Crystal Beach is in San Narciso, Zambales. It is a known beach specially by those who surf. Yup! It’s a surf haven. One can reach it in 3 hours time IF and ONLY IF you have a car but in my case, I reached it for almost 4-5 hours. Why? Geographically speaking, Zambales is in the northside of the Philippines. Same side as that if Bulacan where I came from. But unfortunately, I had to go down to Manila first to get on the bus heading straight to Iba, Zambales. There was no straight bus from Bulacan going to Zambales. I reach Victory Liner, Caloocan Terminal (the bus station) almost half past 10. Commuting by bus has been my life, and going to Manila the same way took my more than an hour that time! Perhaps, God is giving me time to back out? Nah! Despite the waiting of the bus to be filled up and the traffic it went to get to Manila… my decision is still firm––I am going to Zambales! I hopped on the bus bound to Iba, Zambales by 11am.

ON TRAVELLING
I won’t be enumerating what you should be bringing when traveling. What I am doing now might be a bore of a read to you so let’s not go to details. But just to warn you how “unprepared” I am, that huge backpack of mine has no camera, nor a pair of swimsuit. Yep! You got it! I am heading to a beach and no swimsuit? Again, this trip is not planned… a random decision. But it ended well (shoot! Did I just said that… darn it!)

Anyways… just bring what you think will make you survive out of your house. Decide on what you think will at least satisfy you if not totally happy at all. In my case, I got the window seat of the bus. I don’t like getting the aisle, even on planes. I like to see the view and of course, where I am heading.

So, for that day, I passed by the North Luzon Expressway (NLEX) TWICE. And saw that the northern part of the Philippine is still an agricultural area. I am from Bulacan, but the area I live with already have McDonald’s, flyovers and just 10-minutes away from SM. I saw:

Ricefields...

...ricefields

... and more ricefields

Well, some have a cow or two

All 4 and 2-legged farm/field animals you can think of –– and what could they be doing? Eating, sleeping, mad-bathing and even shitting. Hahaha! But one thing was odd about it is that, on the 2-legged creatures, I’ve seen some king fishers and a few herons but no chickens! Where have all the chickens (and roosters) have gone?!!!? Hello? Calling KFC?!

After a couple of bus stops, I reached San Narciso by 3:30PM. Since I just eat a light breakfast and had some junkies for snack, I am starving. Good thing there’s a famous pizza place near the town’s plaza. It’s called Dude’s Pizza. It’s a small pizza joint but their pizzas are great! One wall has a mural of a man surfing and on the other sides are photos of celebrities who’s been in the place, and signed the wall. I was able to talk to Vanessa, the wife of the owner and told me that his husband and the owner of Crystal Beach are brothers! Some cool family business I guess ü She also told me that, Dodo (I think he’s one of the in charge people residing the beach) and a few more people are about to release a pawikan they rescued some time ago. After eating a solo pepperoni and a glass of Ice Tea for my late lunch and early dinner treat, I hopped on a tricycle and headed for Crystal Beach.

THE BEACH
Now that I’ve reached my destination, I can now admit that I was a little scared of this trip. Hahaha! Who wouldn’t if you’re first time to do it and alone on a place you bearly know anyone? At least I am on a place where we both speak the same language (Hi, Brian and King!) My fear was a little bit relieved when I hear the waves crashing and felt the breeze. And all anxiety was forgotten when I saw these:

The beach, the sunset... I was glad I'm there...

And there I was… Crystal Beach! Too bad , I just missed releasing of the pawikan by a couple of minutes.

And will all my talking above, let my photos do the further talking ;) Even though I didn’t have my handy-dandy Canon G5 with me then, I’m glad I’ve upgraded my old phone to Sony Ericsson’s K610i!

My Tower... I mean, the room I'll be staying–The Attic

The view from the entrance of the attic

My room which could accommodate 3 persons... and I have it all by myself!

What I can see sitting on the bed

That's the veranda from the beachfront

The beachfront... and THIS is my fave shot Ü

The shore... the sand... not white though, but it's fine.

The waves...

... and it greeted me

Fishing boats

More shore and waves...

... and the footprints I left behind

I wasn’t able to take a dip since I don’t have a swimsuit with me but by merely being there, hearing the waves crash and felt the breeze, I am satisfied… VERY satisfied. I sounded recharged as one of my dear friends texted me. I guess so. Water calms me down.

Foot spa?

I took a short walk along the shore. Saw a couple of guys trying to catch some waves to surf. The weather was great. Even though a little cloudy… still I’m glad I was there and not someplace else. The next morning, I woke up a little late than planned. I wanted to watch the daybreak but all I got was these:

Daybreak by the beach (from the veranda)

But the sunrise is on the other side...

... which is not that bad

... b'coz I got some good shots ;)

I was able to observe a few more people are coming in and are surfing – both men and women! The resort have surfing instructors and surfboards you can rent. Hmmm… for experience, I will definitely be staying longer in my next visit and take that surfing lesson!

I just stayed overnight and had to leave by 9:30am the next day to catch the 10am bus ride back to Manila. The adventure was short but it was very helpful for me. I would definitely be back sooner next year. Either with some friends or alone again. I’ve done it once, why can’t I do it again ;)

Photo collage of a satisfied and happy, Nemcy!

"Crying" It

2006-12-21T13:46:00.000+08:00

My last week at work and I am still “lost” of what has happened a few days ago…

I still have to work but I am sooooo useless…

Christmas is sooo near, yet I feel… blank.

It’s a week of meeting up with friends, get-togethers, Christmas parties… dinners, etc… etc…

I have been to videoke or karaoke with different sets of friends. From client-friends to ex-officemates turned to friends… but all the same, I DON’T sing. I munch in the food, drink the beers I can induce and smoke till my lungs give up.

But last night was different.

I am with my Batibot ladies… had dinner and of course, karaoke should never be off our list. I have been out of touch from these two ladies but when we see each other, it still the same. We giggle. We laugh. We talk. But it’s not just me who noticed that I AM different. Different in a that I actually SING. Nemcy Cruz did sing!

Yes! I sang till my larynx or whatever part of that throat felt breaking. I sang like I was the only one in that room. I felt no shame. I am not shy. I just feel like singing. I proudly grabbed the songbook and search for familiar songs… then punched the numbers.

I practically sang…

Nemcy SANG…

Not 1 song, not 2 or 3… not just 10, I suppose…

And as some might be asking for evidences…

The Magic Three that's left: Lotus, Me and Lewie!

Lotus and Lewie for the pose. (Lot hand over the song book and remote... please?)

The Fabulous Videoke Ladies: Lotus and Lewie

Evidence No. 1: They said they've never seen me in that "mode"... Perhaps I DID let go ;)

Evidence No. 2: "May be it's wrong to say please love me to, 'coz I know you'll never do..."

Evidence No. 3: "Bakiiiiitttt... labis kitang mahal... Ganda mo'y... 'di ko malimutan..."

Lewie "fainted" in the event of me singing... NOT!!! Of course, she's kidding! I love you, kapatid (sister)!!!

I felt satisfied singing last night. I feel happy. And my friends felt it too. They were happy. They said that I finally “let go”… I was confused with their term. But they said, I am finally enjoying it… TOTALLY enjoying karaoke. That sounded good too… felt somehow alive. It’s like, something or someone just came out of me!

I just sang my heart out… and it felt good. F*ckingly good.

So, when's the next videok session? ;)

My Red Chucks!

2006-12-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

Yes. I've finally got my FIRST red shoes and it's a Chucks!

I've brought it the other day... and I wore it yesterday!

I am satisfied... and happy ;)

Something New Yet Still Blue

2006-12-13T13:43:00.000+08:00

Things may not be great lately but hey, who has a perfect life anyway? Oh well, it's Christmas time. Less than 2 weeks to go and I still haven't shopped yet nor even have a list.

Busy, busy, busy... well, it's better than being bum, right?

So, for a change, this year I decided to buy something for M-E. Well, funds are quite tight yet I did a few magic tricks (which later I know I have to pay for it... sigh). since Monday i have been eyeing for this...

Slick and yeah, I know... sexy... RED!

So, yesterday after our usual Tuesdays meeting, I headed for the nearest mall in search for that sexy thing. Cholo, a friend and a Brand Associate of our client accompanied me. (Pocholo dear, thanks so much! Mwuah!) Checking each and every cellphone shop in that area. Take note: ONE BY ONE. And what I got was this:

The red one will be costing an additional 3K. And I'm a little over my budget already. Too much for sexiness... :(

What is it about RED lately that I've been eyeing for one?

I think I have been into the "safe side" of the world. Now, I am trying to be bold and all... me? Nyahahaha! Oh well... It's never to late that I've realized that I'm a girl... no! That Nemcy is into a "realization"... ?

Choz!

Still not that feeling OK (great I mean, after the buying spree)... I don't know. (What is it with me?!?)

So, I didn't get a red phone... I am getting this later or the next coming days...
Hahaha!!!

It's still RED anyway. Got a problem with that?!?

Weddings and Getting Married (for Joanah and Melvin)

2006-12-09T18:16:00.000+08:00

Yes. There’s a stage on everyone’s life when you get irritated by relatives who kept on asking if you have a boyfriend or worst when are you going to get marries…

At these times, we create an imaginary knife and slash their throats… then I had that stage… and I claim of hating getting married AND attending weddings.

But all that changed last Thursday, December 7…

The newly wed: Melvin and Joanah (Photos courtesy of Myles G. Jamito)

Our dear friends, Melvin and Joanah finally got married. These two friends of mine since college are the epitome of love that is TRUE and sincere. No hassles, no qualms, no gimmicks and all that. I always have this tendencies of losing words to describe something… UGH! Basta, they are of perfect match and if someone or something will break them apart… I am one of those who will bury them alive!!!

Let me brag that, I am one of the “cupids” who made these two a couple. Faith, who I tried contacting and finally searched her over Friendster wasn’t able to make it sa wedding :( Melvin and Joanah were classmates in an animation class during our college days. I am one of Melvin’s friends who liked to hangout in their animation room, stay overnights with them to help out. Melvin confessed he likes Joanah, pushed him to make his move. At the same time… Faith, a close friend and confidant of Joanah told me, Joanah likes Melvin too! Weeeehhhh!!! One time I remember, Melvin made a card for Joanah using his original “Puti” character, the same character he used for his animation project. He showed it to me for “checking”. Then a few hours or days later, here comes Joanah handing me a familiar card and telling me… “Bigay n’ya…” (given by him)… Faith was with Joanah then, winked at me as a sign… My smile then seemed to reach my ears. And the rest is history!

Simple story… destiny.

Hay…

May marriage is REALLY something when it is out of love and nothing else. That all will be happy and excited about it when it’s that pure and “clean” ;)

Well, I assume whoever will read this are ADULTS and you should know what I mean :p

To Melvin and Joanah… I know, I have written, spoken and even drew less than expected and compared to your other friends in your guest book. But I wish you knew how deeply happy I am for both of you. I can’t really find the right words… the truest words to describe how I feel for you guys…

Again, congrats and best wishes… more kids, I mean, have kids you can handle and be sure that I am a “ninang” to your first born ;)

–––––––

Btw, in proof that I really LOOOOVVVEEEE this couple, God knows how I hate wearing formal outfits and wearing makeups. But I had to wear these pointed heeled shoes…

But when I couldn’t bear the pain… I did this while Jose, my VBF and I did the hosting…

I walked barefoot too from the reception to the streets passing people in and outside of the church. Gahd! The PAAAAIIINNN!!! After me wearing such shoes, I have high respects to those wearing such KILLER shoes…

Rio, Mommy Ria, and to the rest of the ladies you are killing themselves wearing stilettos, high-heeled boots and the like… IDOL ko kayo!!!

What the f---?!?

2006-11-27T21:46:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with Multiply?!!!

(And this blog entry will be automatically posted in my Multiply account... geesh! How ironic!)

I haven't posted anything for almost a month. And now, I was uploading some photos and placing captions individually for the 35 photos I've uploaded twice because some error has taken place for more than an hour and nothing happened?!

P*tah!

Call me OC... I won't mind... no! Let me correct that... I DON'T care! When I want something to get done, I want it to be DONE–– perfectly!

And now, I am... pissed!

ARRRGGGHHH!!!

Small Doses of Happiness

2006-11-16T02:15:00.000+08:00

Again?!? No baked scallops!?! Sigh.

3rd time in a row from the same restaurant, on it's 3rd branch...

I've been craving for it for weeks! Darn!

My colleagues and I have been through some tough times as a group and perhaps (in my case) individually. But all hail to patience and perseverance... we are (and I am) still alive! Yey! With a little budget at hand (it's the 15th of the month) went out with a few friends and you know what's next... ;)

Spreading happiness... and love!!!...

Urgh... do I sound a bit weird here? Ummm, I'm not drunk nor I am on drugs... nevah!

I didn't drink that much (e-hem!) though I am disappointed that there are no baked scallops, still as one of my friends SMS me (the one that didn't make it), "Life goes on even though there's no scallops... there are better reasons to be happy"...

O-K...

I found it a bit overreacting (me and her comment) but then again, she's RIGHT.

I'm just happy (and satisfied) with the night out and the outcome of all our labors of "love". Hey! You know who you two guys are... thanks!

To more sensible conversations (besides work, of course), success and more beer... ;)

Cheers!

(And now, back to regular programming...)

Getting It Out of My System

2006-11-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

I missed a lot of "good" things to blog. Most of the time I am unknowingly "inspired" with that stupid smile locked up on my face. I go out after work quite often lately with a few new people, a new group perhaps. My time is occupied with work that I am truly enjoying. I won't deny that I have episodes of rage and almost-breakdowns.

It all part of it.

Those five words up there is constantly reminded to me by my colleagues and friends. I am seen as generally extrovert and transparent. They just don't know that I am bothered also by other factors aside from work.

Work is my life. Unavoidably personal too. Work can be my facade. There are things better kept to myself, because it's way more personal. Personal that is inspirational and destructive at times.

Right now, I can not tell whether I am sad or frustrated, angry or stunned. I really don't know what it is I am feeling exactly. But I am definitely sure that I am not happy.

Emptiness seemed to engulf my system again. I am staring blankly at my notes and on my computer screen. I had my drink last night... hard drinks. I made it an excuse of me being non-functional. But it is just an excuse. I know my limit and I drink responsibly.

I am really lost of thoughts. Lost of words.

I feel bad of realizing that is quite obvious all along. Perhaps I kept on denying it from the start because I did like him. I enjoyed every moment we were together, drinking, chatting, smoking, ranting... I see myself from him and what I wanted myself to be. I thought there will be something for me from him. Akala ko... (I thought)

And indeed, all "akala" are wrong.

I am wrong again.

I feel bad of learning I am wrong.
I such a fool that I denied it from the start that it's all "akala".
I hate myself of having the same mistakes again and again.... and still... again.
I feel stupid... really... really... stupid.

If I told it straight to his face that I do like him, will I be strong enough or at least poised enough to accept his WORST reply?

Problem is I don't have the guts to say it.

I am bubbly. I am strong. That's how many sees it. But inside I cry and crumble... a lot.

Another crack in my fortress that I am building.

Post Birthday Syndrome: A Photo Documentary

2006-10-29T11:21:00.000+08:00

Emotions down. Alcohol flushed. I’m ok and have finally time to choose some photos to post (and to blog it). Hehehe.

The Cake:

Yes! After months of craving this Aristocrat torte-something cake (can’t even recall the name) I finally got it for my birthday! It’s like varieties of sans rival all packed in one… and when you cut it, it looks like a checkered board! And see the plate of pasta? Evidence of stroganoff Mommy Ria cooked for my birthday.. YUMMY!

Blowing of Candles (make it one HUGE candle instead)

Not for tradition but more of for fun, the kids (Milan and Audrey) helped their Ninang ‘Ba (that’s me!) blow the candle. If you’re wondering what I wished for… it’s world peace! HAHAHA!

The cake’s quite hard to cut!

After some struggle, have a cake Myles before Audrey gets it (Myles’s the one taking the photos. See how Audrey stares down at the cake)

A Photo Sequence of a Satisfied Kiddo

Ahh… Audrey finally got her hand on the cake, seriously. Either she’s telling herself, “I can do it! I can get a piece and eat it by myself” or ”You can’t escape from me, you cake! You’re going straight down to my tummy!

Big mouth… "In you go, cake!"

Did you just take my picture?! See how I’m holding my fork! Tiny as it looks I’m going to stab you with this!”

Of course, it’s a joke! How can a cute kid like Audrey think of that?

Nuninu… ninu…

?

2006-10-25T16:45:00.000+08:00

It’s my birthday today.

First day of the week that I came in to work after having a flu over the weekend. It isn’t any special day. Aside from the fact that there might be half a billion people celebrating their birthdays today (like one of our clients and one of his employees downstairs), we all seemed to share the same “fate” that the astrology stars tells us.

But still, today is my birthday.

Got up, drank my meds and went to my favorite quiet church/chapel near our home to talk to HIM upstairs. It’s been quite a tradition in my family to practice this going to church on your birthday. I missed a few years doing so because I am not located near a church or chapel, but most likely, I just don’t care a damn if it was my birthday…

… except for today I guess. And HE knows why.

Typical working day. It feel on a Wednesday with our usual Tuesday schedule. Our madam president decided to declare yesterday a holiday because it’s the last day of Ramadan. Politics… don’t ask why. So our schedule was moved.

And I am just sneaking this entry while a meeting is in session.

One of my evil thingies for the day… and I feel more to come.

Happy birthday… to me.

Some people are quite shocked knowing it’s my birthday. After knowing that, they greet, the give a kiss and a hug or just alternate the sequence. Perhaps those gestures make a birthday special. Technology some elevates the kind of greeting one can get on his birthday…

There’s email…
Some e-cards…
Text messages (SMS as it’s technically termed)… these I received quite a handful… a bit having a sore thumb… hehehe!
Phonecalls…

Relatives and friends near and far (and some acquaintances from the past and now) did greet me. Me-happy (imitating Jarjar Binks’s way of speaking).

Though there are those who seemed don’t believe it’s my birthday today… hahaha! Can’t blame them. Perhaps I am showing some bluffing facial expression… I thought it was kind of insulting but come to think of it… they don’t believe me, they don’t get a treat!

Harharhar… wickedness again! I am evil!

My dear friend Annie is here coming from US of A but I can’t see her till Saturday. I had o make sure I have no virus to pass on to her because she has to attend the wedding of her sister her. My VBF, Jose seemed to switch places with her and currently walking in the center of the universe, New York City. He’s never missed a day without texting me and sharing his experiences there like getting lost in the subways of Manhattan and lost his trail or path in the Central Park. He’ll be back soon… like in 2 weeks time.

Sigh

Life goes on… and in a few more hours, I am officially 29.

Yey?

From TransAmerica to the Lady-Boy

2006-10-23T09:27:00.000+08:00

Ok. I am sick in bed yet I can’t wait to blog this. Hell I care if I get sick again because I am straining myself when I am not yet well.

Before I get lost in thoughts I better start.

Since I was occupied with my work last week and now I am stuck in bed I missed blogging. Yet I have a couple of things in my head, I decided to do this first. Topic: Transsexual.

What about them? It just so happened that in the very same week 2 different worlds somehow “united” in this topic…

My VBF is in NY right now, blogged about his TS (shortcut for transsexual) aunt and our client who just came in from Thailand relayed to us how those TS in Bangkok called Lady-boys are soooo famous to foreigners.

First of, New York, center of the universe as claimed. My VBF met more TS than expected (quoting him: “I have not been in the company of so many trannies in my life!”). He was even invited to this Silver Swan bar (yes, it’s a soy sauce brand in my country BUT there it’s a famous TS bar) but he has to dress up like a TS. O-K, I told myself… will my VBF give in? Nope he didn’t (yes!) Being an art-comic fanatic and cultured more than 5 gentlemen combined (if there are still any, btw), I still know my VBF. He mentioned in his blog how weird he’d look like if he’d dress up and catered a wig… I could imagine. But with his description of these TS, they have the power to manipulate and I’d say it again manipulate men that they drive crazy. His auntie was able to demand an iPod nano from this guy she’s dating that she didn’t really like going out. And she shares one story of another TS friend of hers (or his) that another TS asked for a NEW car and it was given just like that.

WOW.

Boobs flashing through plunging necklines and cross-legging with some tight mini skirts… some power.

Effortless power…

And I am quite ashamed that I, having a non-surgical breasts and an authentic vagina is so picky and don’t have a boyfriend for more than a decade.

Well, to each his/her own… as they say.

Going half across the world… we stop for the story of our Asian brothers (or sisters) the lady-boys. Thailand is now before for cheap shopping spree but not it’s more known for CHEAP gender-change operation. I have another gay friend who is seeking for a gender change. He told me he’ll be getting one and he plans to bring me there as his companion when he gets it. O-K… I told him half-hesitation and half-happy for him. I felt privilege for among our friend he wanted me to be with him. But I am quite afraid for myself. Ah… I might freak out when I see their testicles and penis in a jar being handed to me and the doctor saying, you might wanted to hold this for your friend in the operating room.

Of course, that’s an exaggeration but if that do happens, I will faint… for the first time!

Anyway, 2 of our clients went to Thailand for business transaction. At night of course, it is expected to go “out” and “explore” the place. Brian, who was assigned to conquer Thailand in one of our clients “expedition” did mention something about these lady-boys in his blog. But relaying the story is quite different from being read I suppose. Cholo, one of our clients’ BA who seemed to be an “expert” on looking at REAL ladies was REALLY confused with these lady-boys. They ARE PERFECT. That’s his only clue on how to differentiate from God-made female species from those doctor-perfected ladies. He did mention Filipina celebrities that look like those lady-boys! Even one of their co-employee looked like one lady-boy… except that this lady-boy doesn’t have much arm hair (sorry, Monica! That’s what Cholo said)…

These lady-boys are such a hit on tourist. Well, sex is really sold there… but I don’t want to dwell into visual description or anything like that… but I wonder… how TS and lady-boys do it? I mean 2 different cultures… well… geesh…

Nevermind.

Sober

2006-10-15T20:50:00.000+08:00

I had a weekend day off yesterday. I call it a day off because for the first Saturday as far as I recall, I had a weekend that I went out by myself, with my own plans.

Freedom.

I was even able to do errands for a dear friend. I don’t feel tense or had to rush.

I took the bus from my town to the city.
Rode the jeep heading to my old university.
I walked under the shaded rows of the huge acacia trees.
I passed by students and some passed by me.
Went inside the university chapel/church, talked to God sitting.
It was calming.

I am relaxed.

Despite it’s the weekend where malls are on sale, I couldn’t care less. Luck was somehow on my side yesterday. Traffic didn’t eat my time that much. I had lots of time to spare. I wasn’t able to find any book in relation to the work I’m suppose to be researching on. But it was ok. My bookstore visit was half disappointing. No “book” on modular thing I saw before but I got these…

Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece and The Missing Piece Meets The Big O.

I bought the books. For myself. Expensive. But I felt satisfied on the purchase. I love the stories. Simple. Considered under children’s book category but it reflects life’s questions and obstacles. And I can relate to it.

Reminders.

––––––––––

I went home quite early (in the morning, almost 1AM). I went out for just a beer with a couple of new found friends. (Take note: I just had ONE beer.) I am contented. REALLY. Perhaps, because I get to:

1.) eat those baked scallops I’ve been craving for weeks!!!

2.) go out with no hindrance, no questions asked. (Although it’s in my dad’s voice when he opened the gates for me that he’s not happy that I came in “late” and alone.)

3.) do the initial “structural plan” for one project I am assigned to with the help of a friend Ü

I don’t need to be tipsy or drunk to be satisfied in a day/night out. The mere fact that I got out, with a few money to shed, I am happy.

Temporarily.

Still, I was happy.

When Strips Reflect Reality

2006-10-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

So many things in mind to blog about and here I am stunned.

Hmmm… why not let the infamous cat speak. Folks, Garfield presents…

LIFE

Strip no. 1

It is better to shot your mouth when you have nothing better to say. Why? Because you'll be an annoyance to everyone. You take their precious time, ruin their day, etc. etc. Speak ONLY when it is needed… like when you are asked to. But there are really some people who are quite insensitive about these incidents. I guess people on the "other" side should just practice shielding themselves. Turn on your radar, kids!

Strip no. 2

How we should envy Garfield. It’s simply exposing his claws will make other retract knowing he’s in a bad mood. And he has the right to show it. Others are banned to do so… and with frequent containment will lead to depression, mood swings or fatality: DEATH?

Strip no. 3

Haaaaaa… that grin that’s stuck there for no apparent reason. I am a victim of that recently. Say… am I? Nah…

I could relate to Jon…?

OMG! Nooooo…..

(Chanting repeatedly: There is life outside the office... there is life outside my room...)

Tuesdays, Idle Times and Missing Someone

2006-10-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

It's on of those Tuesdays – my Tuesdays... when my team just came in from our usual meeting with our client. The meeting went quite well. New ideas here... revisions there... longer than usual.

And as the meeting ends, this came in...

Hot pizzas came to pacify our grumbling tummies. (Our pizzas have better toppings than in the photo, of course) :p

Another day ended... tomorrow awaits. So do our revisions and work.

As much as I wanted to sleep, my mind resists. I wish it would function on "work" mode for me to do some computations and proportional calculations (yes! I do some Math even in designing... I wish I took up some subjects under Industrial Design). I decided to read a few blogs and posts some myself.

A simple Nemcy-time... Ü

I was on and off YM. Nobody interesting to talk to. Until I saw my VBF, Jose online! He fled our beloved (note: sarcastic description) country a couple of days ago hopefully just for a vacation. But I have this feeling that he'll catch some big "fish" there and he'll be leaving me for GOOD! It's his second day there and he's pissed, BIG TIME. Yep! The land of so called milk and honey isn't what we see in Hollywood movies. Unlucky for him, he is first staying in a relative in Jersey City which I find filthy and dirty too... and I am not exaggerating!

Unsorted trash in each corner of the street, vandalism of ugly graffiti on street walls, buildings with chipped off wall paints just to name a few...

His cousin's internet connection he described as "jurassic"... and I think as I understand what Jose said, the PC itself has NO USB!

WHATTHA....?!?

That's just some of his rants on our less than 5-minute chat. His time in this net café owned by a supladong pinoy is almost up...

Thank God, my brother was fortunate enough. His job is somehow related to computers and is doing well there in New Jersey way back when I visited and hopefully up until now...
1.) He has cable internet connection
2.) A very nice house with extra rooms to accommodate visiting relatives and friends
3.) Lives in the suburbs that is clean, peaceful and good neighbors
4.) He's patiently taught me how to get to and from New York and drives me off to and picks me up from the nearest bus stop/area
5.) Generously gives me "allowance" as my reward when I do him and his family favors

Sigh...

I wish I'm there right now... I miss my niece, Noelle :(

I miss Jose too... I feel his rants even he's far, far AWAY. 28+ more days to go before he gets back here.

He said, he miss me too.

Sigh.

At least he gets to sleep in his female cousin's PINK room!

Call it consolation.

Booze For Boost

2006-10-04T07:05:00.000+08:00

It’s always been use as an excuse that people tend to be more “open” (or should I say careless) when they are drunk. Or they’d say I need a drink or two to do this or say this.

Ah… ok…

Talking and drinking seemed to be coupled lately. Well, a form of release… an excuse to go out AND talk.

I still don’t think that getting drunk would “boost” up the courage we need when we are sober. Excuses, excuses… well, until the past few days.

It’s always been a form of relieve when I go out for the night, for a drink or two, hang out with friends or just be myself to think things over. And last night was one remarkable night Ü

I didn’t get laid or anything. (Too bad ba?) And I am not drunk now just to say that… I know how some people think so uunahan ko na kayo!) I was in a hot seat actually. This friend of mine kept on telling that it’s my night every time I attempted to throw the question(s) back at him.

Yes, questions were thrown right in my face even before my hands got to touch that cold SanMig Light. I was stupid to think that he’d pop up THAT question.

Geesh…

What was I thinking?!?... I’m such a wuss (and it’s my first time to use that word!) I think I was even blushing then. I just got to my seat, perspiring from walking and not no beer was even ordered for me.

Ah… yosi?! I asked for cigarettes. Hope it was as easy as puffing out that smoke to blow out all emotions (or distractions).

He did ask (some) questions. Somehow I expected it BUT not the intial question that I thought I would be.

Assuming… ’Tang ina!

The talk was brief enough. With a few laugh trips. The night ended well (yet early for me –– hahaha).

He’s cute when he’s drunk… nyak! (Sorry… thinking out loud…)

Serious na ulit …

Now I understand why I am sticking to where I am now. I understand where that spark of hope is coming from. It’s somehow a code or unwritten rule when the trust is there. I may be taking the risk knowing the whole world is against it. They find it either being martyr or plain stupid. But I have that thing in me. It’s BACK. Thanks… (you know who you are!)

Hell… can’t explain it that well or find the right word but I know IT’S THERE.

It’s just this (stupid) grin I can’t wipe off my face! We have deadlines to beat for tomorrow…

Oh well…

Cheers!

---------
I nabbed the photograph above over the net. I think it was posted on Flickr. If it's yours, I acknowledge it. Thanks, dear!

Query

2006-10-01T12:05:00.000+08:00

That question asked to me by a friend…

I told him, I do ask the same question too. With his situation, he somehow openly told me where he is and obviously sees how he feels about it.

Talk to …

And he did. Good for him.

He’s staying. He’s is back (as he announced the other night).

I am happy.

Sigh.

A Bad Brew

2006-09-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

Not a good week for me.

Unproductive. Useless. Heavy (literally and figuratively speaking –– I admit it, thank you.)

A screw up.

If I’m a concoction you are to take, warn you I would definitely taste awful! My emotions are of topsy-turvy. My mood is swing from end to end. I am wasted. No. I feel worst than that –– see I can’t even think of a word to describe how I am last week (and right now…).

––––––––

That was my supposedly entry last week that I wasn’t able to post. And in connection to happenings this week, last week was probably a premonition.

A warning. That no one paid attention to.

Stagnant probably was a term to describe my situation in the past weeks. I am unable to produce such remarkable or even useful ideas. I am immobile and had no choice but to “follow”.

Resist resistance.

I continuously remind myself. But do you do that? I asked my dear friend have to do it but he answered, "You can’t."

But I had to do it because I was told, no, instructed (for respect) “no more resistance” to get the job done, to get it out of my hair (or was it hand? Whatever! Who the f*cking cares?!) and our way.

The month of September ends, October is in by tomorrow and STILL the “project” is still with me.

Thanks to the typhoon Milenyo that came last Thursday. Hay…

Since then, we have no power in the office and it’s bothering the team and stressing my friend/boss, not to mention some external factors pressuring him… family and other stuff.

At this time, I have no extra hand to extend to him that would be of use (though he still does refuse)… sorry, you know if I could, I would.

No power from Thursday and yesterday (Friday)… we were informed that it will be back earliest is Sunday?!

WTF?!?

And seeing the skies now, grayish and cloudless… something’s brewing again.

God…

––––––––

Well, the sun is perhaps shining on us... as of this moment, my frined and boss just replied back to my SMS. Electricity is back in our office.

Whooo-hoooo!!!

And one of my professor-friend in college replied to my question (through her blog) of why she prefered sadness over anger. Her answer: Sadness could inspire her and make her productive. Unlike being angry, it stumps her.

Hmmm...

Logical.

I have to keep that in mind.

Tuesdays

2006-09-26T22:48:00.000+08:00

When one person (whether a friend, a colleague or family member) made a stand, means it and you also go for it––it feels good, doesn’t it?

No compromises… a friend said awhile ago.

He means it.

It felt good. Best thing I heard today.

Our client/friend said that. When he said it, he definitely means it. You negotiate, yes, BUT you don’t settle for “just that” or ”pwede na ‘yan”.

No compromises…he made his point and said it directly to his Brand Associates.

May sound evil but it made me smile inside. (Hehehe)

The BEST thing I heard for the past week Ü

––––––––––

Optimistic… one word I’ll always associate this friend of ours.

Instead of seeing B**D (yes! That Bureau thing of the Philippines) as an enemy that hinders our products to be launched in the market, he said we should be thankful for the bureau’s unsystematic procedures…

He saw how my face shows that big question mark…

He clearly said, we should really be thankful about it because if not for that THIS PRODUCT, our competitor would be out in the Philippine market. The product will surely not adjust just comply with the Bureau’s requirement to get in.

Hmmm… well said…

Galing!

Cheers!!!

One Quick Blog...

2006-09-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

I think I miss this one out on my blog My FATE This September. It says:

New people will pour into your life at this time, although one dear friend - a male (it appears) - may depart at this time too, for any number of reasons. The cause may be something as simple as your buddy's marriage or a need to move to another state or country to take a new job. Even though you will miss your friend, you will be very occupied by new friends and acquaintances, too. Your interests have changed, and the people who are entering your life now will reflect your emerging interests.

Oh... I remember this part... and IT CAME TRUE. Yup! My "dear male friend" just confirmed it over YM a couple of hours ago that he is starting to pack...

This male friend of mine is my VBF. We have talked this one for sometime now and he knows that I don't like him to leave BEFORE. But now, after all of the things he's been "encountering"... he deserves this long-planned travel. May it be vacation or career break.

I won't object... not this time!

At least I have a very valid reason to stay up late... really late. Chatting galore–and SKYPE calls! Now, I have a reason to use that headphones we bought.

Sigh...

Tragedy = Death?

2006-09-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

I plan to enter a different blog post. But today is Tuesday… meaning it’s CSI:NY night!

I usually don’t stay up late on Tuesdays for CSI. It usually have reruns on Sundays. They call it the CSI Supreme Sunday –– when all 3 CSIs are played continuously as rerun episodes for the week. But this night, the episode is quite appealing to me. By the looks of it (viewed from their teaser/commercial) let me equate it to bomb + rescue = CSI casualty (possible death). And who was under the debris: Lt. Don Flack played by Eddie Cahill.

Last episode showed death of Aiden, one of my fave characters in this CSI. I viewed it earlier courtesy of a friend of mine who downloaded it MONTHS ago. I am greatly affected by it. I consider her the “sacrificial” lamb to solve or nabbed this serial rapist guy. But tonight’s episode to they have to kill ANOTHER character?

Tonight’s episode was the season ender. As most expectations of season enders like that one made by the original CSI (Nevada) with Quintin Tarantino, this one was not quite that of greatness. I don’t see any uniqueness of this episode. I wasn’t held back to my seat, nor made me “wow”. It’s simply another “bombing in New York”. Makes me think of the 9/11 attack. I see this episode as one of those “timed” shows in commemoration of the terror attack. Plus phrases said by the allegedly bomber was “… we are not ready… we are not yet prepared!” is somehow telling me he is speaking to the US government that US isn’t ready for another attack.

A quick summary: a guard of a building was stabbed and found dead, Mac and Flack found a duffel bag with bomb. Lindsay who was out getting something was called by Mack over their mobile phones to clear the area. Bomb explodes, Mac and Flack was still inside. Mac had minor lacerations by his right neck/shoulders, while Flack was deeply injured by his artery I think. Scene made Mac recall his marine days when he is unable to save a marine and died by his arm. They were found by Danny. Another group of squad came to help Stella who was organizing rescuers outside the building. Bomber calls Mac. CSI tried to trace his call. Calls Mac again. Bomber was identified as one of the members of that squad and was diagnosed with schizophrenia and a frustrated marine. Mac and the team caught him (as always) and the CSI team visited Flack in a recovery room. Mac recalls the incident in his Beirut duty as says his line, ”Squeeze my hand if you can hear me…” to Flack that seemed to be the marine he tried to save before. Flack responded by squeezing Mac’s hand.

Ends with Flack squeezing Mac's hand. Mac with a satisfied, relieved, smiling face.

For a much detailed summary, check this link.

I have a crush on Eddie Cahill. What more, I LOVE his character in CSI:NY. For season 2, it is quite obvious that they had some kind of “makeover”. No more Gotham City-type New York City, goodbye to the "dark" feel and Lt. Flack transformed from the cute “boy-next-door” cop to a grown-up detective.

Honestly, I wouldn’t really mind being arrested and handcuffed by such good looking cop.

And they “planned” to kill him? Take away a handsome character in this CSI?!? Naman!...

Photos courtesy of www.tv.com and www.cbs.com

That 9/11

2006-09-11T19:11:00.000+08:00

Another anniversary of that tragic day for the Americans and other nations alike. Speculations, documentations and even movies has been played trying to explain what had happened, where could have been the cause and revelation of how people courageously faced the disaster.

Five years has passed... 5 years...

A new face of heroes emerged at that time. And up until now, I believe they will forever carry that badge of bravery, of how duty and responsibility will be selfless –– sacrificial yet of honor. These are the firefighter (specifically of New York). I believe there was even an editorial cartoon uplifting the level of “prestige”.

I have nothing against seeing firemen as heroes, I mean superheroes. Here in the Philippines the OCW are considered the new heroes of today. To each his own, if I may say so.

I was there, that 9/11. I saw how it all happened––how the first plane hit the first tower, how it collapsed and the how the people in that area run like ants, screaming for their lives. I was in New Jersey, in my brother’s home, alone with Noelle, my niece. My brother and my sister-in-law were off to their work both located in Manhattan at that time. My niece was still asleep so I decided to tidy up the place, prepare our breakfast and check my mail. For some reason, I opened the radio that early morning. While checking my mail, I heard the DJ said that there was sort of a tourist plane that crashed in one of the towers of the World Trade Center. They still have to confirm it. Something stopped me hearing that. I heard my niece was awake from the baby monitor, I brought her down and opened the television. I kept on pressing the remote looking for a local news channel. The phone rang, it was my sister-in-law telling me the news. She can see the smoking towers from her office window. I saw it too, from the tube. Then the towers collapsed.

That day, our phone seemed to be ringing every minute. Relatives and friends are checking if Noelle and I are all right and also asking if my brother and sister-in-law are ok. Definitely offices where shut down all over Manhattan. But they can’t get home as fast as they could because Holland and Lincoln tunnels, the only passageway linking New Jersey to New York where closed. Another way is taking the train or the ferry boat which for sure was jam packed at that time. So there I was, alone with my niece, panicking.

Yup! I was panicking. Panic in a sense that I was wearing my running shoes, cutoff pants, my trusty Old Navy sweater and my small sling bag which hold my wallet with my IDs, a couple of hundred dollars plus loose coins and my passport. By the breakfast nook was a big baby bag containing a week supply of diapers, 5 bottles with mineral water, powdered milk, baby foods like Gerber in those small glass bottles, cookies and a large bag of Cheerios (my niece’s favorite cereal then). Plus extra clothes for Noelle like pants, shirts, sweaters and the like. I don’t know what I was thinking then. I am waiting for something to be announced or something to be “dropped”. I thought with those stuff I am ready to sweep my niece and run perhaps to our Filipino neighbor.

Recalling how I acted at that time, I partly laughed at myself. Laughed because have I overreacted or was I just giving myself an assurance or a relief? The area where we are staying is a path where usually airplanes pass by. The location isn’t quite that far from NJ’s Newark Airport. Not a day passed that I won’t be seeing or hearing at least 5 airplanes passing by. That day, it was silent. It was awfully quiet.

I am a foreigner on the land that the terrorist attacked. Can you blame me if I really overreacted? Between the time the towers collapsed and my brother and sister-in-law came home, I am praying (even told on of my brother’s friend who called up) that my parents, specially my mom would not open the TV back home or flick it to a channel featuring the attack. That would spare them more panic. But before the day ended. The phone rang again and I heard a panicking voice on the other line. It was my mom. She cried and cried and cried. Asking where is my brother, have I gone talked to him, how’s my niece doing and even telling me to go back home! Wow! Easy said than done. But I can’t blame her. I was even thinking about it for a couple of second but hey! Reality tells me, not a single airport is working at that time! My mom was just talking and talking on the other side of the line in between sobs. I could hardly understand her. I just assured her at that time that Kuya (that’s how I call my brother) had a plan that by 7pm, if they’re not yet home, a good friend of them will pick me and Noelle up to stay with them until Kuya and Ate (for sister) are back from NY and will pick us up. And promised her we will call up again when Kuya’s home.

Was I selfish at that time? I may not be as courageous those firefighters in New York. But I can’t forget that it was that time that all my senses are top. I kept on looking and checking over my niece who is at that time just turning 3 years old. She has no idea that the world outside her playroom is being attacked, nor had an idea that the only person she’s with, which is me, is somehow worried. She was playing with her toys, watching videos. Her innocence protected her from further harm. Let the adults like her auntie/tita (me) panic. I am a foreigner on that land that is being attacked! My mind was wildly imagining scenes from a war movie or those from Independence Day or Armageddon. God! I think I had to slap myself or shake my head just to break loose from those thoughts. Watching too much movies at HBO’s during late nights.

Mobile lines were cut, obviously right after the towers collapses. I didn’t receive any more calls from my Kuya or Ate from their mobiles. Last I heard from them, they were together and trying to find a way to get back to us in NJ. There was no cable therefore we had no internet connection. Only local TV stations where on. TV stations continuously showing updates and scenes from the lower Manhattan area, replaying how the towers were hit and how it looks like when it collapsed. It was like those Jengga blocks that falls down. I couldn’t believe it, seeing it again and again that it was the very building I just went to a couple of weeks ago.

The photo was taken a couple of weeks before the attack. One of the few pictures taken while we were in Liberty Island. It was right after bring our mom to New York’s Kennedy (or JFK) Airport to catch her flight back home (Philippines). After our trip to the Statue of Liberty, my brother brought us straight to the Twin Towers’ Visitor Center (or whatever they call it back then) where you can view the whole of Manhattan’s skyline. It was I think the last week of our Tita (aunt) ‘Dy and Uncle Bernie (may he rest in peace) visit from Australia. And our last chance to set foot on the towers as well.

No wonders of Adobe Photoshop applied here. It's not one of those photos being emailed a few years ago. (The shot where there are tourists on the viewing area of the World Trade Center and behind them was the plane about to hit the building). As far as I know, World Trade Center is open for tourists at around 10am. The first plane hit between 8-9am.

I have told this story to a few of my friends. It is only now that I have written this and told it openly. That day, I was as scared as a lamb without a shepherd to protect me. I may not be a NY firefighter, but I was brave enough not to think of myself alone but of my niece too who’s in my custody at that time. Some find it OA, with me packing a huge bag of Noelle stuff and me wearing running shoes and a sling bag with my wallet and passport in it. AGAIN, I’m a foreigner, in a foreign land being attacked. I am unarmed. I was protecting my niece and that was the first thing in mind, my first instinct to prepare for the worse thing to happen.

If you were in my shoes, that day… tell me, what would you do?

My FATE this September

2006-09-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

It has been my habit that every first day (or at least first week) of every month I check out what the stars has install for me. Thanks to my VBF who introduce to to this site.

Since June if I’m not mistaken, the astrologer is so consistent (and persistent) that this year will be my year specially in terms of love and relationship. Well… my heart skipped a beat I think when I first read about it… and the 2nd time… but on the 3rd time… Well, nothing’s been happening or just even changed! Sigh…

And now the “stars” tells me this…

…This means that while this month you may assume your love life has been blown to smithereens, what has occurred may be a blessing in disguise. When new love arrives, it will happen in a random, offhand way, at a time when you will be barely thinking about romance. If a meeting doesn't happen this month, you should encounter even better vibes for romance as you get closer to your birthday. Keep your chin up - all things happen for a reason.

→All for a reason… wow! As if no one says so…

The tensions will continue to build, however, until you reach the full moon lunar eclipse in Pisces on September 7. On this day, you will have a full moon eclipse in your fifth house of true love, and this eclipse will be operative plus or minus four days from this date. If you are single and not currently dating, there is a good chance you could meet someone at this time. This is possible because Uranus will be on a mission to radically change your lifestyle in a way you don't expect, so you could conceivably meet a new person.

→Well, the 7th is almost over, so we hang on for the “plus 4 days” part. But as for the dating part… gees… tell me how can that happen?!? How, how… HOW?!?

Your best nights for new love or to enjoy love you have now will be at month's end: September 23, 25, 26, and 29. You might like the events of September 7, but the aspects are so wild and volatile, it is impossible to know if you will be happy or desperately unhappyat that time.

→Now, specific (or call it suggestive) dates are mentioned but then again she tells you that she isn’t sure if it’s happy or not! Wha…?

Again, feelings will be raw and inflamed and liable to put one of your close romantic relationships at risk, but it's not clear if the alliance under your microscope will be a friendship or a romantic one. Be very careful with what you say and how you say it at this time.

→I don’t have that “romantic one” and now I’ll lose a friend?!? WTF?!

Again, in terms of creativity, September 7 is a total wild card. Big life events happen on eclipses, so you may be recording your big record on this day or having a major art opening of your work. Let things happen as they want to, dear Scorpio.

→Yeah! Recording? Art exhibit? I’m at work… and not just stuck in my room!!!

Early this month, Pluto, now being called the "dwarf planet" by scientists but still being recognized by astrologers as a key force in Scorpio's life, will turn direct orbit on September 4.

→Remind me! Overacting it may seem, but I am really affected by those “scientists” that demoted Pluto to being just a “dwarf”. Like what my VBF mentioned in his blog… is it like a beauty pageant when the winner is being stripped off her title! I wish Hades would appear by their foot and burn them to ashes by doing that… bwahahaha!!! How evil of me ;)

When Jupiter moves into Sagittarius in December, you will see a virtual cornucopia of cash open up for you, a trend that will only continue and grow from there into 2007.

→Honestly, I’d rather have this over the love thing, really. I definitely would LOVE this one to happen!

And lastly…

Finally, at month's end you may become involved in a charity event, and if you do, you would surprise yourself with the outstanding results you produce. Nothing an eclipse does is offhand or unusual. If you want to make a difference to others, this would be your chance. Take it and run with it!

→Making a mark is something for me. This made me stop for a moment and think. How can this me? After reading this part, two companies/organizations came about to me: UNICEF and CTW (Children’s Television Workshop).

I rant, complain and sound sarcastic, but I still kept on coming back to the site. I still read it, analyze it and wonder… can all these (or even just a few) really happen?

I wish…
I hope…
I dream…

…that this September would really be of MY month.

;D

Shopping and Dining

2006-09-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhhh…

Why is it that lately I can’t resist spending for myself despite the fact that budget seemed to be tight? Very tight!

May be it’s a form of giving gratitude to myself. Or my way of professing power. Whatever it is… it feels good –– temporarily, of course.

Photographed by Myles using his very nice Motorola V3X phone

For example, we like to hangout in Starbucks for coffee as we and others claim. But notice in the hours they spent there how may coffee or at least purchases aside from coffee did they make? The coffee and other food there like cakes are quite expensive but I, myself (and a few more friends and acquaintances of mine) keeps on coming back to Starbucks to meet, hangout or even dine. It’s the power and self-gratification if I may say so. The mask? Image and impression… what we wanted to emulate or project.

I was looking around at the mall nearest to my home in the province just last weekend. I went there just to pay my cellphone bill. But I ended up, buying stuff which might be of my need. (Take note what word I emphasized!)

Just take a look of some of the things I got…

That's one of my new shoes/sandals. I have a couple of new baby doll dresses too but the photos' bad. Sorry about that. I hate my cam-phone. Photos not nice when lighting is poor :(

And check these out:

If only these will fit my VBF or at least will surely be used by HIM, I’ll really buy them…

I remember a dear college friend of mine named Andrew thought me a new word during “our” good days way back then. The word is splurge. Yes. He really emulated that word. I can say he DID influence me somehow… on the crafty side like buying a Gundam models, build it and let it be a dust collector in my room. Or buy all those Star Wars tiny action figures because it was on sale then later on realized, hey! I’m not a fan after all then what the f*ck did I buy them after all?

And this I bought and gave it to my colleague. Aside from knowing he’ll like it because he’s a fan and dreamt of having a real one like that, I can say that remote-controlled Mini Coop can be used as a stress reliever for him (and me as well) and honestly, I haven’t seen him so happy and excited when he opened the box. Makes me feel happy too Ü

I am an impulse buyer… and a spender as well. I wanted to feel happy and perhaps that sense of power when I spend and “burn” money. I admittedly tell my close friends that when I am happy I wanted to share that happiness in some way or another. You find it weird? Who doesn’t? Honestly, I am trying to control that thinking because if I don’t stop, nothing will be left of me. I haven’t met anyone with such “disorder”… I wish I am ”kuripot” or selfish that I’m sure right now I have savings enough to treat myself a trip or two somewhere. In money, I am honestly in capable of saving. It would have been a good if I buy things considering it is an “investment” or usage in my profession. Like my first Apple purchase: my old 14” Titanium Powerbook which happens to be my most expensive purchase made ever! I consider that an investment, because it has USE for me. I was still in the US back then. I happen to earn some bucks to buy the Powerbook and a little more was left. Instead of saving it, I bought some toys to name just a few, one of which is that set of Todd McFarlane’s Spawn the Samurai series. Consider it one of the most irresponsible and useless purchase I made – EVER! Not only that I wasn’t able to complete all set, my Tita “accidentally” removed the collections from its boxes to save space in packing them up! (What the….?!?) So, bring it home, it will surely serve as toys and not collectibles. It has no more value and where are they right now? I gave them away… I repeat… GAVE them AWAY ––> for F-R-E-E!

Thank God I’m out of US right now… because I would have surely purchased this one:

I like crafty and some techie stuff that I can still comprehend. I saw this in one of the blogs I read and I kind of yearned for it. I am a geek (and perhaps a freak too). I find myself really different from the other same species of my kind. Hmmm… possibly it’s one of the reasons why I haven’t been in a relationship for quite a decade now and none from the other kind of species are attracted to me.

And with that… as my VBF captioned this photo:

Let’s just eat our miseries away!!!

Life Is What WE Make It

2006-09-03T00:52:00.000+08:00

*To start off this "non-masking" blog I created, I have to re-post this entry of mine from my "other" blog.

I made a choice –– that one is clear enough.

I was quiet for a couple of months. Busy with work, work and a few personal tasks which is still work. The computer I use is just a couple of feet away from my bed (literally)! Work is perhaps my life now. I always use it as an excuse of why I can’t have any “other” life besides it.

I lack time. I’ve got to have time… but I don’t MAKE time for anything else.

I miss blogging. I could have used this to rant and to rave… but if I may have some spare time, I’d rather use it to sleep or drink.

I am not that alcoholic (to make things straights). For the record, I don’t drink in a bar or even alone. I find that too depressing. I may have depression modes but not to that extent. If I have my very own place, I will definitely be watching a movie over a light dinner or light beer or even wine –– with my lovable golden retriever I might be naming Sam beside me. Simple life… simple single life.

The “drinking plan” never occurred, only yesterday with my VBF (Virtual Boy Friend). I dragged his ass off his masteral class, made him cancel his scheduled meeting with his old college buddy (who was celebrating his birthday in advance). My VBF just loves me perhaps more than any man I’d ever had or will ever had. But we can’t really be together romantically. I’m a fag hag… and he’s gay! (with a boyfriend)

I am happy that the drinking and eating spree happened yesterday. Thank God we went to Eastwood. Timing perhaps was good if only I am not carrying my laundry and suppose to go home in Bulacan. Bamboo (one of my favorite Filipino alternative band) is playing for FREE yesterday. I’ll be missing that cute vocalist and lead guitarist of them performing. But it’s ok, a couple of cold San Mig light and calamares is not bad enough.

For months, I was able to get (and do) what I WANTED.

Not who says, money DOESN’T make the world go round? Hello?!? Reality check please…

I don’t have my own car… hence I don’t drive.
I have 2 bags with me (and one carrying Taynee, my 12” Albook).
I have a couple of drinks… so how did I manage to get home from Eastwood to Bulacan (that’s perhaps more than 1000 km, a 1-2hrs drive with traffic)?
I commuted… not taxi, not FX but bus… public BUS.

I’ve been a commuter for half my lifetime. Been away from home most of my life. Trained at an early age to be away from my family and live with someone else’s or rent (solo or a friend). Consider me an independent creature perhaps. Almost missing paying my debts like credit cards, phone bill and a little contribution to my parents daily expenses at home but I manage to survive every single ¬_______ day of my life. Barely saving money for the “raining days” so I pray that God would not permit a major event that I had to sell my soul to Lucifer.

So what’s the point of all this I am saying? We might complain on things happening in each of our lives. We carrying our own burdens. We rant. We go into depressions and lose self-esteem. We might even just breakdown and burst into tears (that just happened to me a few days ago). All the “what if’s” are sudden running in our heads. STOP, my dear friends (and readers, if there are any)! Think of where you are now and what (or who) made you into who you are now? Who placed you to where you are now?

Answer: Y-O-U!

Pause for awhile. Place yourself away from what is making you feel frustrated, or made you questioned yourself… you made a choice before to place you where you are now. You believed on something that made you decide and made THAT choice. Review and recall… stick to it if you still believe or fate at it. If you don’t, even just a tiny spec of fate at it, why bother stay?

Look at yourself… you are able to read this via net, via computer… I’m quite sure you have a job and can afford. Dear, you are STILL lucky! I see people who really less fortunate than we are. They struggle more than we do. We are lucky… yes, we ARE!

Think for a moment… if you are unhappy, unsatisfied… perhaps you are doing something you don’t want to do. Forced or not, why are you doing that? Let’s not blame others to our misfortunes. There are factors affecting and making us to that but we decide for ourselves, right?

REMINDER: We make the choice(s) for ourselves… as individuals. And I admit, I myself KEEP on forgetting that! I made a choice. For how long can I keep it up if you ask? As long as I could.