What the f---?!?

What is wrong with Multiply?!!!


(And this blog entry will be automatically posted in my Multiply account... geesh! How ironic!)

I haven't posted anything for almost a month. And now, I was uploading some photos and placing captions individually for the 35 photos I've uploaded twice because some error has taken place for more than an hour and nothing happened?!

P*tah!

Call me OC... I won't mind... no! Let me correct that... I DON'T care! When I want something to get done, I want it to be DONE–– perfectly!

And now, I am... pissed!

ARRRGGGHHH!!!

Small Doses of Happiness

Again?!? No baked scallops!?! Sigh.

3rd time in a row from the same restaurant, on it's 3rd branch...

I've been craving for it for weeks! Darn!

My colleagues and I have been through some tough times as a group and perhaps (in my case) individually. But all hail to patience and perseverance... we are (and I am) still alive! Yey! With a little budget at hand (it's the 15th of the month) went out with a few friends and you know what's next... ;)

Spreading happiness... and love!!!...

Urgh... do I sound a bit weird here? Ummm, I'm not drunk nor I am on drugs... nevah!

I didn't drink that much (e-hem!) though I am disappointed that there are no baked scallops, still as one of my friends SMS me (the one that didn't make it), "Life goes on even though there's no scallops... there are better reasons to be happy"...

O-K...

I found it a bit overreacting (me and her comment) but then again, she's RIGHT.

I'm just happy (and satisfied) with the night out and the outcome of all our labors of "love". Hey! You know who you two guys are... thanks!


To more sensible conversations (besides work, of course), success and more beer... ;)

Cheers!












(And now, back to regular programming...)

Getting It Out of My System

I missed a lot of "good" things to blog. Most of the time I am unknowingly "inspired" with that stupid smile locked up on my face. I go out after work quite often lately with a few new people, a new group perhaps. My time is occupied with work that I am truly enjoying. I won't deny that I have episodes of rage and almost-breakdowns.

It all part of it.

Those five words up there is constantly reminded to me by my colleagues and friends. I am seen as generally extrovert and transparent. They just don't know that I am bothered also by other factors aside from work.

Work is my life. Unavoidably personal too. Work can be my facade. There are things better kept to myself, because it's way more personal. Personal that is inspirational and destructive at times.

Right now, I can not tell whether I am sad or frustrated, angry or stunned. I really don't know what it is I am feeling exactly. But I am definitely sure that I am not happy.

Emptiness seemed to engulf my system again. I am staring blankly at my notes and on my computer screen. I had my drink last night... hard drinks. I made it an excuse of me being non-functional. But it is just an excuse. I know my limit and I drink responsibly.

I am really lost of thoughts. Lost of words.

I feel bad of realizing that is quite obvious all along. Perhaps I kept on denying it from the start because I did like him. I enjoyed every moment we were together, drinking, chatting, smoking, ranting... I see myself from him and what I wanted myself to be. I thought there will be something for me from him. Akala ko... (I thought)

And indeed, all "akala" are wrong.

I am wrong again.

I feel bad of learning I am wrong.
I such a fool that I denied it from the start that it's all "akala".
I hate myself of having the same mistakes again and again.... and still... again.
I feel stupid... really... really... stupid.

If I told it straight to his face that I do like him, will I be strong enough or at least poised enough to accept his WORST reply?

Problem is I don't have the guts to say it.

I am bubbly. I am strong. That's how many sees it. But inside I cry and crumble... a lot.





Another crack in my fortress that I am building.