Life Is What WE Make It

*To start off this "non-masking" blog I created, I have to re-post this entry of mine from my "other" blog.

I made a choice –– that one is clear enough.

I was quiet for a couple of months. Busy with work, work and a few personal tasks which is still work. The computer I use is just a couple of feet away from my bed (literally)! Work is perhaps my life now. I always use it as an excuse of why I can’t have any “other” life besides it.

I lack time. I’ve got to have time… but I don’t MAKE time for anything else.

I miss blogging. I could have used this to rant and to rave… but if I may have some spare time, I’d rather use it to sleep or drink.

I am not that alcoholic (to make things straights). For the record, I don’t drink in a bar or even alone. I find that too depressing. I may have depression modes but not to that extent. If I have my very own place, I will definitely be watching a movie over a light dinner or light beer or even wine –– with my lovable golden retriever I might be naming Sam beside me. Simple life… simple single life.

The “drinking plan” never occurred, only yesterday with my VBF (Virtual Boy Friend). I dragged his ass off his masteral class, made him cancel his scheduled meeting with his old college buddy (who was celebrating his birthday in advance). My VBF just loves me perhaps more than any man I’d ever had or will ever had. But we can’t really be together romantically. I’m a fag hag… and he’s gay! (with a boyfriend)

I am happy that the drinking and eating spree happened yesterday. Thank God we went to Eastwood. Timing perhaps was good if only I am not carrying my laundry and suppose to go home in Bulacan. Bamboo (one of my favorite Filipino alternative band) is playing for FREE yesterday. I’ll be missing that cute vocalist and lead guitarist of them performing. But it’s ok, a couple of cold San Mig light and calamares is not bad enough.

For months, I was able to get (and do) what I WANTED.

Not who says, money DOESN’T make the world go round? Hello?!? Reality check please…

I don’t have my own car… hence I don’t drive.
I have 2 bags with me (and one carrying Taynee, my 12” Albook).
I have a couple of drinks… so how did I manage to get home from Eastwood to Bulacan (that’s perhaps more than 1000 km, a 1-2hrs drive with traffic)?
I commuted… not taxi, not FX but bus… public BUS.

I’ve been a commuter for half my lifetime. Been away from home most of my life. Trained at an early age to be away from my family and live with someone else’s or rent (solo or a friend). Consider me an independent creature perhaps. Almost missing paying my debts like credit cards, phone bill and a little contribution to my parents daily expenses at home but I manage to survive every single ¬_______ day of my life. Barely saving money for the “raining days” so I pray that God would not permit a major event that I had to sell my soul to Lucifer.

So what’s the point of all this I am saying? We might complain on things happening in each of our lives. We carrying our own burdens. We rant. We go into depressions and lose self-esteem. We might even just breakdown and burst into tears (that just happened to me a few days ago). All the “what if’s” are sudden running in our heads. STOP, my dear friends (and readers, if there are any)! Think of where you are now and what (or who) made you into who you are now? Who placed you to where you are now?

Answer: Y-O-U!

Pause for awhile. Place yourself away from what is making you feel frustrated, or made you questioned yourself… you made a choice before to place you where you are now. You believed on something that made you decide and made THAT choice. Review and recall… stick to it if you still believe or fate at it. If you don’t, even just a tiny spec of fate at it, why bother stay?

Look at yourself… you are able to read this via net, via computer… I’m quite sure you have a job and can afford. Dear, you are STILL lucky! I see people who really less fortunate than we are. They struggle more than we do. We are lucky… yes, we ARE!

Think for a moment… if you are unhappy, unsatisfied… perhaps you are doing something you don’t want to do. Forced or not, why are you doing that? Let’s not blame others to our misfortunes. There are factors affecting and making us to that but we decide for ourselves, right?

REMINDER: We make the choice(s) for ourselves… as individuals. And I admit, I myself KEEP on forgetting that! I made a choice. For how long can I keep it up if you ask? As long as I could.